moonTalk #2: progress

Hello and welcome to moonTalk #2, today we talk about progress and growth.

As of 9.05 am a Thursday morning two weeks ago, the 17th of September, the 9th month of the year, Planet Earth has officially made its way around the sun for the 24th time since I was born. In simpler terms, I am now 24 years old, just one year away from having to say I’m in my ‘late twenties’. Gosh. That sounds scary. Scary, because when I look back at my past couple of birthdays, they feel like such a long time ago, and I don’t really want time to keep passing this quickly. How do I make it stop?

This year was my first birthday since 2014 where I was actually in the city where I was born instead of London. Not to say that my London birthdays have been boring, I mean, fancy dinners, cocktails with gal pals, (a lot of) pints with teammates and eating noodles with old friends while watching the buzz of Leicester Square have all been fun ways to spend birthdays. But being here, in Istanbul, is making me reflect back on all the things that have happened since that last time I blew candles while inhaling the sea air of Ortaköy, surrounded by friends, in 2014. Wow. What a six years it has been. The person I was on my 18th birthday, compared to the person I am today, are honestly complete strangers to each other. Some in bad ways, most in definitely good ways. Yet if they came face to face, I’m not sure they would have much to talk about other than Kubrick, vegetarian food, and maybe Florence + the Machine?

I’ve changed a lot as a person, and now as an adult (I think?), I want to alter the direction towards more personal growth. You in?

This got me thinking about progress (or sometimes the lack of it), and how it really is not a tangible thing in most aspects. Yeah, going to the gym everyday and getting visible abs is ‘tangible progress‘, but the real progress in that scenario is having developed the discipline to achieve that. The achievement of committing to an action that turns into habit, which, then, rewards you with progress.

There, the real progress isn’t the discipline of ‘going to the gym‘ or working your ‘abdominal muscles‘, but instead, it’s the discipline of making time for an activity in your schedule, and sticking to it.

Once again on an Instagram story, I asked how you measure progress. You said:

Being able to recognise past mistakes and improve on them.
Intuitive, my gut does it for me if I’m brave enough to listen.
Perception. Do you view or value something differently than before? If it’s different, then it’s progress.
Learning ways how not to do something.
How you mentally feel after you have completed an action, no matter how big or small.
Centimeter by centimetre in yoga poses.
When my breakdowns are more spaced out.
Reflection on how I have changed compared to a year ago.
Not linear.
Different reaction to the same situation.

I saw that almost all of us agree that progress is a slow process, with mistakes being made along the ride. Progress is mostly noticeable when we look back and reflect, yet it is okay to take a longer path. Tape measures don’t exist in the world of self growth. The road to ‘being better‘ is not a linear one, however the map to it very much exists.

I recently finished a book called Self Discipline: A How-To Guide to Stop Procrastination and Achieve Your Goals in 10 Steps by Gemma Ray. To be very honest, I started reading it because it was free on Kindle Unlimited, and as someone who loves self-help books but despises the ones that try too hard- it was spot on. Compared to when I attempted to read The 5 Am Club early this summer (the worst book purchase of my life to date), I actually enjoyed reading Ray’s straightforward words that urged you to take concrete action instead of having you dwell on a spiritual question for three days. Don’t get me wrong, I do love reading spiritual books too, just not when I’m looking for tangible steps to be more productive. (Also, if a book is telling me how to be efficient in 600 long pages, I probably won’t take that book’s advice.)

In one section, Ray asks:

“We see it time and time again, so many people settle for mediocrity when there is no need to. If we could reach for our goals and not be held back by that which we’re scared of, how exciting would that prospect be?”

I see in my personal behavioural pattern that I sometimes put things off or don’t put that much effort into them due to the fear that it might go wrong. I think my subconscious prefers being able to say “I didn’t try that hard“ to being obliged to say “I worked so hard, but still failed“. Yet when I don’t put enough effort into something and it fails, the safety net of a feeling I thought would be there doesn’t show up. I don’t feel relieved knowing that I hadn’t put that much effort in, because at the end of the day, I am left to stare at what my actions (or the lack of them) have moulded the end result into.

I hide behind guaranteed mediocrity because I’m scared of potentially being.. exceptional?

I personally believe that even noticing this pattern in my behaviour is a step towards growth. Putting more effort into something, and therefore having higher expectations from it doesn’t actually hurt. Even if your expectations are not met, it still allows you to benefit from the outcome. When you allow yourself to be more than mediocre, the world starts throwing opportunities your way. You just need to have the guts to greet them and treat them right.

“Self discipline is not something that you are born with, it is something that is learned.”

I am trying to discipline myself more and more everyday. Be it drinking enough water (#hydrationnation), doing my skincare routine, reading, moving my body or making a to-do list that will enable me to do these things in the first place, any small action contributes to ‘progress‘.

I’ve found that having a small notebook where I note my to-do’s every morning is very useful. However, when doing this, if I put down everything I need to do that week, I probably will not end up accomplishing much. If I’m realistic in setting goals and ensuring my to-do is doable, I am more likely to go through the list without being overwhelmed.

I want to end this week’s letter with a final quote, as I believe it sums up the idea that self-discipline and striving for progress can’t be something you wish to implement in just one aspect of your life.

To be a more disciplined person in general, you must apply it to everything you do. You must approach each task and responsibility as stepping stones in the path to progress, no matter how rocky it might get.

“How you do one thing, is how you do everything”

Do you have other book suggestions you think are spot on when it comes to personal growth? Productivity apps? Systems? I wan’t to hear about them all so please do share them with me :-)

A random list of my favourite things these days:

Fresh daisies.
Birthdays. Oh, and white chocolate birthday cake.
Friends coming all together for the first time in 9 months.
Study With Me videos on YouTube that time study intervals with the Pomodoro technique: My dissertation would be even further behind if they didn’t exist.
Accidentally starting to rewatch Harry Potter and now not being able to stop until I’ve watched them all. Currently on number 6.
The autumn weather: One full month of summer is definitely enough for me it seems, I am more than ready for turtlenecks and Chelsea boots. And hot coffee. Dare I say.. pumpkin spice?
My shortest short hair: Best decision ever. My showers are down to 2 minutes and it’s the most low maintenance thing ever, so if you’re debating on whether to do it, do it.
Finished reading Girl, Woman, Other by Bernardine Evaristo. Honestly probably the best book I’ve read this year so far. I felt connected to every single character, while the ending made me sob like a BABY.
Started reading Wishful Drinking by Carrie Fisher this morning. Such an easy read, so funny, yet also breaks my heart to bits. Probably more on this book next time, as I am pretty sure it will only take me a few days to finish it.

Celebrating my first article being published for the Ethical Journalism Network! Wanted to keep this newsletter more about personal growth and less about politics today, so if you want to read it click here!

Thanks so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed it! If you have any feedback/discussion points for me feel free to email minatumay@gmail.com. Otherwise, always more than happy to chat on Instagram @minaonthemoon. Do DM me!

Also, if you’ve liked it, tell a friend :-) The new instagram algorithm has been limiting my content so much, therefore it is very hard for me to reach new people & connect with them. So, I appreciate all the support! Friends of my friends will always be my friends!

Now here’s a question to think of until next time:

Who makes the rules?

Mina TumayOctober 1, 2020