finding comfort in stillness (and many other things)
Hey you, hope you are truly well, mind, body, and soul.
Firstly, I have decided to concentrate on my podcast instead of #moonTalk, if you’ve been wondering why your inbox has been Mina-less lately. Secondly, wow, it has been a hot minute since I actually talked about my life, other than the occasional Instagram post.
It has been around a month since I moved to my new flat, just me and my furniture. I am living completely alone for the first time in my entire life, and the second lockdown we are currently living in London has brought a completely different sense upon the word ‘alone’. I wake up, get along with my day, and go to bed, sometimes without having spoken to a soul. Some days, the only in-person interaction I have is with the Waitrose employees. I’d be lying if I said I never asked where I could find the peanut butter to at least have spoken to another human that day.
Living alone has truly been a new experience for me, after years of sharing my space with 1,3 or even 5 people at times. I recently realised that during the first month of living here, I spent most of my time feeling and acting like a guest. I felt like I had to obey a certain timeline of sharing a space still, like vacating the shared spaces/being quieter at night. I was still putting my pyjamas on and going to my bedroom at like 9 pm. Um? Am I okay?
Now that it has been a little bit more time, I am finally getting used to finding comfort in my own company- finding peace in the stillness of my space. My mind is constantly full of my own thoughts, and my own thoughts only- without an outside presence to perceive me. My actions, that I oftentimes believe are a product of societal pressure, seem to have taken a natural course. I move without thinking. I act without thinking. I simply exist without thinking. I realise now, that I can literally do what I want, as I dominate the space. It’s a rather weird feeling, really.
In order to find comfort in stillness, I’ve realised that you sometimes have to bathe in the silence of the moment, simply breathe in the stillness- and nothing else.
Here is a completely random list of things I’m enjoying as part of my routine.
Vibing to Peggy Gou on a nightly basis
It has become a regular thing for me to have an Ayurvedic tea in my hand, simply moving to Peggy Gou. Don’t worry, I do put the tea down when the dancing gets a tad aggressive. There is something so freeing about just moving, without caring about what the outside world thinks. Because the moment I put my blinds down- the outside world simply does not exist.
This ritual usually comes once I’ve loaded my dishwasher, changed into pyjamas, and turned the TV off. I love tiring myself out a bit before I settle in bed to read on my Kindle. Right now I’m reading Trick Mirror by Jia Tolentino, and it is making me think things through so much, especially when it comes to social media and projecting ourselves online. But that is a topic for another post, let me actually finish the book first.
For now, I’ll just vibe to Starry Night.
Falling in love with Yoga again
If you know me- and I feel like if you have clicked on here then you must do even a little-, you’ll know that I love yoga. Actually, I’m obsessed with anything that promises me peace of mind, and yoga just seems to do the trick. Lately, when I can, I have started waking up at 6.30 to catch an early online yoga class from Fierce Grace (my old studio in Shoreditch). Because of how ridiculously lazy the sun is this time of the year, I get to watch the sunrise from my window, while my Nag Champa incense burns, setting the absolute mood for yoga.
When I start my day having exercised, stretched my body, and calmed my mind, I get so much more work done- the words just seem to flow. However, to be able to do this and get enough sleep, I really do need to sleep at 10pm latest. So it is definitely not a daily thing.
Actually doing my skincare routine
I think we’ve all been there, when things get too chaotic to handle that the skincare routine just becomes something of a different lifetime. There have been many days and nights in the past couple of months where simply splashing my face with water and slabbing moisturiser on have been all I did, and that’s okay. Thankfully, while doing the bare minimum, my skin did not turn on me and stayed somewhat neutral.
However, with the second lockdown and how cold is got in London, I have actually started paying attention to my routine again. Typology, an incredible Parisian brand, sent me a personalised skincare routine from start to finish. I have been slowly incorporating them into my routine, and am particularly in love with their Hyaluronic Acid, Niacinamide and their Hydrating Night Serum.
I am also still a big fan of snail mucin in skincare, and am still using the Cosrx Snail Serum. Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it!
For now I am keeping it quite simple, and my routine is just cleanser-serum-moisturiser (and SPF in the AM, always).
(Typology stuff is #Gifted, but never-ever a fake opinion, just so you know).
Tongue scraping (is this TMI?)
So, I have been really obsessed with reading and learning about Ayurveda lately. I started watching the Youtube videos of this adorable human called Radhi Devlukia, where she talks about her Ayurvedic/holistic routine. She never fails to mention how detoxifying tongue scraping is- so I ended up getting one for myself (and ordered two for my parents without even telling them). The first time I tried it I was a bit confused, and honestly, there also was some gagging going on. But then once I got used to it, it became one of my favourite things to do every morning and night. It feels really great afterward, and super good for oral hygiene.
If you have any more Ayurvedic rituals that I should check out, please let me know!
Eating (actually) intuitively
I have been trying to learn how to eat normally for as long as I can remember. Having gone back and forth between trying to eat normally and restricting my food intake every time something stressful is happening in my life, I have recently been actually trying to take things into my own hands. I recently re-read Geneen Roth’s Women, Food and God, one of the best personal development books I have ever read. It teaches you to actually consider what is going on when you get an urge to either binge or starve yourself. I definitely recommend it if you feel like you need it.
So lately, instead of trying to eat super healthy and ending up unsatisfied, I have been allowing myself to eat what I want. Literally, anything. I bought Nutella recently after years of seeing it as the devil. Because when I allow myself to have it, I know I’m not going to want to buy a jar every week.
But as with everything, my relationship with food is still one in progress. Though I do hope to solve it for once and for all.
Baking (for real)
This one kind of relates to the previous point, but holy shit. I discovered something BIG. I realised that when I bake using the actual ingredients of something, instead of trying to make the recipe healthier with silly swaps like oat flour instead of normal flour, or honey instead of sugar, it actually tastes good. Like, why did no one ever tell me that the problem wasn’t that I couldn’t bake, but that I didn’t obey recipes?
In the past few weeks, I have made countless amounts of banana bread- different variations everytime. My favourite has been the one with ginger in it, however I have plans to make an actual gingerbread loaf soon.
The only issue with my newfound love for baking is that I simply am not built to eat an entire loaf of cake by myself, so I’m trying to limit it to when I know I will see people.
Daily walks in Regent’s park
Moving from the middle of the City to a rather more residential area has definitely been one of the highlights of my lockdown. I am extremely lucky that Regent’s Park is just a short walk away from my flat. I am absolutely loving my daily walks there, and if I spend a day without saying hello to the swans by the pond, it just doesn’t feel quite right. I treat these walks as an exercise for my mind rather than my body, taking my time and taking the scenery in instead of rushing to burn more calories.
There is especially one bench that I love sitting on with my coffee warming me up, just watching the stillness around me and doing absolutely nothing else.
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I obviously do many more things on a daily basis, but they aren’t as fun as these. I try to take each day as it comes, allowing myself to be slower and being gentler with myself.
Thank you for reading this far, hope you have an incredible day.